


napping

by Mongo00



Series: holding on (to life) [23]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Avoidance, Gen, Napping, POV First Person, POV Josh Dun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 14:09:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14238963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mongo00/pseuds/Mongo00
Summary: Naps give me a break from the world; naps are the closest thing to being dead.





	napping

‘Sorry, I was napping.’

That’s the phrase that many of my friends hear from me nowadays.

Everyday, I take a nap. I take a nap no matter how much sleep I’ve gotten the night before, even though I don’t get much sleep anyways. 

On a good night, I get five hours of sleep so I guess I make it up in naps.

I don’t nap because I’m tired, I’m always tired. I nap to get a break from the world, to not worry about anything.

The world is draining, to say the least. The day is a battle that I’m forced to fight everyday and napping is my reward for it. 

I’m not sure when it started; maybe I just fell asleep one day out of exhaustion. What I do know is that napping is the easiest way to give up for a while. 

It’s easier than self harming and no one judges you for it; it’s an easy way to run away from your problems and there’s no societal shame. 

Anytime something goes wrong, I take a nap. Maybe that’s the only reason I’ve been five weeks and four days clean. I avoid my problems and responsibilities by napping and I’m not ashamed of it. 

Should I be?

It’s still avoidance but at least it’s not harmful. Physically harmful, that is.

When I wake up, I dread what I’ve avoided; I turn off my alarm and sleep for way longer than intended. 

I guess reinforcing avoidance isn’t healthy but it’s healthier than cutting. 

Oh, but I still want to cut. I want to cut badly but I just take a nap every time I want to. I take a nap every time I want to harm by going unconcious to quiet the urges. 

Naps are the reason why I’m still functional and sane; naps are the only reason why I’m clean for more than a week.

Naps give me a break from the world; naps are the closest thing to being dead. 

I strive to be dead and being unconscious is the closest to it, so I’ll continue to nap on the daily until it’s not satisfying enough anymore.


End file.
